


Let me kiss your pain away

by vasglass



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Drama, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2020-03-01 02:24:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18791095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vasglass/pseuds/vasglass
Summary: Loki has been turned into human and he doesn't feel very good about it. He and Tony had a huge fight which ended with Tony slamming the door and spending the whole night outside, leaving Loki alone in their appartment. In the morning Stark starts to feel bad about the whole thing and comes back to apologize. Although he didn't expect to see what was waiting for him...





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey”, - he says, while coming into the room.

No answer. He’s not surprised, though. Now Loki really has rights to be mad at him, and Tony is going to fucking apologize for all ugly stuff he said earlier because he really doesn’t believe any single thing that came out of his mouth. Fuck. He said so much horrible things. Fuck, fuck, fuck...

 

“Listen, I know you are mad at me, I’m mad at myself too, believe me. And I also know you’re very not comfortable being human for some time, so... Again, I’m sorry. So, so damn sorry for all the things that I said and did and... I’m sorry. Please, forgive me. I didn’t believe any of this shit, I swear. That was just my dark disgusting wish to offend you, because you were saying all this stuff about hating being human and... Whatever, I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

Still no answer. Not even a startling motion or sarcastic comment, nothing at all. Loki’s probably really-really mad. Well, he has his reasons.

 

“Okay, will you please say something? I know I was a dick before, but now I’m opening my damn soul to you, and you give me nothing back? You are so fucking goddamn God of Assholes!”

 

Still no reaction. Loki’s just lying on the bed without any sound or movement. Resentful little shit. He’s not bothering himself  to at least look at Tony while he’s giving him that stupid sappy apologizing speech. Asshole. He is fucking pretending to sleep, pretending to not listen to Tony at all, leaving Tony to fucking stand in this fucking room which fucking smells like...

 

Blood? Wait, there’s really a smell of blood. This mixture of metal smell and medicine that Tony won't confuse with anything. What is that smell doing here? Sticky sensual fear slowly slanders in Tony’s stomach.

 

“Loki?”

 

He starts to move towards Loki. Not bothering himself to be quite, and still, Loki doesn’t react at all. Something is wrong, Tony can feel it.

 

“Lokes, please, you should listen to m-“ - he suddenly stops, while turning Loki over. For a second, Tony is speechless. What he sees while turning Loki on his back sticks into his cargo with a thin blade, poisoning him with the most painful poison in all realms.

 

Loki’s hands are covered with blood. So is his chest, but that blood probably came from his hands too while he was lying. His eyes are closed and his mouth is opened in an unconscious desperate attempt to breath in. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up to the elbows, and his wrists are adorned with huge deep bleeding cuts all over the length of his forearms. There’s a dagger next to him on the bed, stained with blood drops.

 

“Oh my god..” - that’s all that Tony can say right now. He’s not capable of saying anything else. Not capable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry....


	2. Chapter 2

“Goddamit, Loki, there’s no shame in calling for help! If you feel depressed and fucking suicidal, you can, no, you must ask me to help you! You cannot just go and cut your fucking veins without thinking about...anything, you stupid bastard!” - Tony was shouting, although he promised himself not to.

 

“I’m not-“- Loki starts, but Tony won’t let him finish.

 

“Yes, you are. You are very, very fucking depressed”-, Tony tries really hard to low his voice. But he can’t. He’s too angry, and scared, and terrified, and...  
“Look, Loki. I know you hate being weak and all that, but just try to face the facts. You were human for just a day, and the first thing you’re trying to do is? Damn right, killing yourself. Probably the only one that you couldn’t do while being Asgardian. My stupid words (which I will again apologize for later, and, probably, the rest of my life, if they make you do this) are not the reason why you were trying to do..this. I mean, they are obviously the catalyzer, and you have no idea how terribly sorry I am for saying them, but I will apologize about a thousand times later. The point is, you have all this terrible past, which contains family problems, pain about being adopted, than, I suppose, one more suicide attempt, cause I will never believe that you just couldn’t hold that fucking scepter anymore. And than there was Thanos. And The Other. And Chitauri. And torture. Awful torture, I suppose. Than you were mind-controlled. Than other family problems. Then prison. Than the death of you mother, probably the only person who believed in you that time. By the way, I’m pretty sure there also were tortures while you were in that fucking asgardian dungeon. Well, I can go on, but I don’t see much sense in doing it, I believe you got my point. Which is, just in case, that you have a lot of fucking serious mental problems, which you should fucking tell me about much, much earlier, because.. “ - he needs to pause for a second, because≥ if he continues now, he will probably won’t be capable to hold his tears anymore. Although, fuck it. He’s letting the tears to fall. And they do. They so fucking do. Tony breaths in.

 

“I love you so fucking much, Loki. Oh, look judgmental at me as much as you want, I’m just telling the truth. Because I really do. I fucking love you. More than anyone in all the realms. I love you, you little suicidal idiot. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without you.” - Tony says all this through tears, trying really hard not to sob too loud.

 

Loki just looks at him. Saying no word. Just staring. But his face is distorted by emotional pain.

 

“Tony Stark..”-he starts.

 

“No. You don’t have to say anything. Not now, at least. I just wanted you to know. Loki, please, you mean so much to me. You mean everything to me, to be honest. You are my everything. You are my life. You don’t want to take my life away, right?”,- Tony feels the salty taste of his own tears on his lips, but he doesn’t really care. All he cares about is Loki. His Loki.

 

“Right..”-says Loki, and Tony sees one tear falling from Loki’s eye on his cheek. He has never seen Loki crying before.

 

“Okay”,- Tony whispers, coming to Loki. “Okay then. That’s good. So, do not. Ever again. If you’ll feel uncomfortable talking about this anymore, we won’t. But from now I am looking after you very fucking hard. And I will try everything possible and impossible to help you. And I will not let you do anything like this ever again, because I'm not going to step away from you for a single meter. Do you understand?”

 

“..Yes” - Loki whispers too. “Yes, I understand”

 

“Good”, - sighs Tony. “Then come fucking here”

 

Tony spreads his arms, inviting Loki into the hug. And Loki accepts the invitation, slowly walking up to Tony and dropping his head on his shoulder.  
Tony squeezes him as tightly as possible, just to keep Loki close. He will never let him go. Never. That damn crazy bastard should always be here, in his arms, no matter what.

 

Than Tony lets himself cry. And then he lets them both to fall on the bed, without breaking an embrace. And than he kisses Loki. Not greedily, not lazy, just a desperate painful kiss, to feel Loki’s breath and make sure once again that he is here. He is alive. Tony saved him. Everything will be fine.

 

As soon as the kiss is broken, Loki tilts to Tony’s ear and whispers:  
”I love you too, Tony Stark”

 

Tony smiles softly.  
“You scared the shit out of me, Snowflake. I’ll make you pay for this”

 

Loki closes his eyes and smiles too.  
“We’ll see”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
